Got a toothbrush?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
