wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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