I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
