I am puke
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
