i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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