nut hugger
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
