I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All the doctor said was why
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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