didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
