would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
