so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
