I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
