Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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