If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
