all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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