he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
