Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
