cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
