Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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