She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this just has baby written all over it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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