You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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