The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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