1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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