Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
