I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
