By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
