I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
