alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
how does that bad decision feel?
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