hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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