Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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