just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
