i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
