Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
