Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
