Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
