Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
