So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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