After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
