I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
