so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
