White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
