they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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