i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
