I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
