I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize