guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she woke up with a sticky ear
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
