so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize