Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
