You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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