Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We're too hungover to prance.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
