why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
