Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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