ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
