Too much gin, very little bucket
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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