I just pynch a tree in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
