mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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