Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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