Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
