Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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