I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
