He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
