Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
