people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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